Pointers On Developing Self Esteem
Ever wonder why some people are just naturally gregarious and happy around other people, like to be with others and always seem to have a plan for their lives; while others seem to be unhappy all the time, cannot seem to get all their ducks in a row, and never seem to make anything of themselves. Well, a lot of that has to do with developing self esteem and being able to be comfortable with who you are and feeling positive about yourself and your ability to interact with others.
The most clear definition of what self esteem is, is that it is the feeling of self worth that comes from someone’s positive or negative beliefs about whether or not they are valuable. There are two sides to the proverbial coin, one being the positive side where a person feels positive about himself and whether or not he has worth to others; and then there is the negative side where the opposite is true, the person feels he lacks any worth at all and thinks he is a zero in most folks’ eyes.
If you want to succeed in life and make a positive mark in today’s society, then you must set about developing self esteem and start regarding yourself in a positive light. Studies have shown that most feelings of self esteem come from the person’s initial involvement with and interaction with his parents and how they regarded him and treated him as he was growing up. Some kids are in an unfortunate situation where they are looked at as mistakes by their parents and sometimes are unwanted, and not only is that bad enough, but they are told as much by the parents. They are routinely told they are stupid and a pain, and they struggle with feelings of self loathing and negative self esteem all their growing up years. Conversely, you have the kids who are coming out of a home situation where they are looked at by the parents as the best thing that ever happened to them, patted on the back all the time, and are constantly rewarded for just being alive. Those kids are going out into the world with a glow in their belly that constantly reinforces itself for them every day of the year.
How powerful an influence is that; lives have been derailed and spirits trampled because of the way parents instilled positive feelings in their kids as they were developing self esteem. Or think of how you interacted with your siblings or your friends; did they make fun of you all the time or did they want to be around you because you were fun to be with and had a lot of great ideas. Another factor is whether you suffered with physical afflictions that made you the butt of jokes as a young kid growing up, or wearing braces on your teeth and you tried not to smile so no one would see them.
For some of us, developing self esteem is a large mountain to climb because if we are saddled with a negative self worth, we usually shy away from having or wanting much responsibility in any form, and we tend to miss golden opportunities because we are not actively participating in society so that the opportunities go right on by and we never see them. Many people with negative self esteem tend to have problems with setting and reaching goals, because they feel they are not worth anything, can’t do anything right, so why bother. On the other hand, the person with feelings of positive self esteem is usually an extroverted person who likes to be in the middle of the action; feels very sure of himself, and feels he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to. As a result, these people are actively sought out by others in society which only adds to their feelings of positive self worth and buoys them up even more.
So how do we reach a stable point in our development where we feel good about just being who we are and can move on from there; what are the secrets to developing self esteem and just how do we do it. Try your darnedest to remain positive whenever you speak about yourself or what you are doing or thinking. Don’t talk down about yourself and get rid of any negative thoughts you have that are bouncing around in your head. Remember you are just as good as anyone else sharing this planet with you, and stop calling yourself nasty names—-the more you talk out loud about being stupid and a real loser in life, the more people will begin to believe it if they hear it from you often enough. So zip it and keep it zipped where negative remarks are concerned. Tell yourself in the mirror every morning when you get up, that you are a good person and you are going to prove it to the world. And most of all, believe what you are saying with all your heart.
The most important part of developing self esteem is to build your self confidence and make yourself appreciate just who you are and all the positive attributes that you have. To build that confidence over time, you need to begin by making small decisions that affect your life and jump right in; and do it again and again and again until it starts to feel natural. Then will you hear that little squirmy voice inside you that says “that’s it, you’ve got it, you’re on the right track, keep going”. When that happens, you are on your way to becoming more positive about yourself and your abilities; and you will also find that you will start doing what it is in life that feels right for you. Stop trying to please the whole world, you can’t do it; it’s just not possible; so don’t beat yourself up over it……..get over it. Then, as you grow and mature and feel more and more positive about yourself, treat yourself to something nice as a reward for a job well done.
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Written by Eve Francis on October 26th, 2009 with
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